____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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