true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
