im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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