Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
