I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
