Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
