"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
