the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
