He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
