she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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