i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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