Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am puke
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
