Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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