whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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