Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
