This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
