Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
