My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
