If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
