it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Randomize
