you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
