found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
