In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
