I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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