3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize