Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
