So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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