i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
