Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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