I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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