$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
