Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
