we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
