apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He felt like a one man threesome
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
