And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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