Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
