I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
