My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
