youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize