I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
