Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
