you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
