I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
