Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
