Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
