Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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