im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My ATM looks so different sober.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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