Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
