i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
