You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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