Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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