I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
