Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
