if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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