My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
