did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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