I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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