I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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