You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
