I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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