I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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