Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
