mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
