Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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