opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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