Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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