didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
