maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
