it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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