they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
