just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize