You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
