We're like a lot better than the average bears
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
