Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
