I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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