You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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