I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
