who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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