i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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