If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
