wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
