I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
