He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize