I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you inspire me to be a worse person
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
