i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
