And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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