Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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