like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize