I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
