I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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