i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
