Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
A+ Viking dick
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
