I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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