I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
