My hand turned me down
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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