Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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