weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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