the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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