Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
