she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
