I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
