dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
