the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
