I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
