i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
