the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
