Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
