thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
