DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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